Wading Through Philapocalypse
That Morning when I woke up it seemed the world had changed….
Those lyrics are from a Code Orange song called A Sliver off of their new album Underneath. Since it’s release on March 13th I haven’t stopped listening to it. I don’t think there’s been any other album I’ve listened to that much since Slipknot’s latest album, We Are Not Your Kind, which was released last year. Hell, I’m listening to it right now as I am typing this. While the album’s theme throughout is mainly based on how we act as a society in this digital age I can’t help but feel it fits in this new norm we as a species are currently living through.
Code Orange described their new album as the soundtrack to the end.
As I walked through the streets of Philadelphia it sure as hell felt like the end was coming. The moment COVID-19 began to spread and the number of the infected rapidly climbed each day, that feeling of dread spread just as fast. In a blink of an eye we were watching the devastation on the news, the next we are taking proper procedures to make sure we don’t get sick, then boom.. isolation. But I didn’t start working from home right away even though it seemed that quick. My full time job is an Office Assistant at a tax firm in center Philadelphia, so during all this madness we still had a job to do, we still had a deadline to meet for March and April 15th.
I know it sounds ridiculous. Why risk your life and others I could possibly infect for a job? I see it all over online, we need to stick it the man and say no! It’s not worth it! To be honest, I mostly agree. Especially, if a place of employment is not kind to their employees. But it’s not easy for some not to go to work. These are circumstances that are out of our control. We fear how this will affect us financially. We don’t want to see businesses and the economy suffer, but we also want businesses owners to take responsibility and care for their employees well being. Either way, the damage is already done. Now we are trying to patch up the holes desperately making sure this ship doesn’t sink.
I’m one of those people that decided to keep working at the office until I couldn’t anymore. The work needed to be done. I had the option not to go into the office if I didn’t feel comfortable. That was made clear once the shit really hit the fan. The office may have closed, but Admin were still needed and we began working shifts. Three days a week, I worked only three hours in the afternoon. That was last week. Now I am working from home. That’s how fast everything happened. It was only months ago the virus was devastating China, and now here we are – scrounging to get every bit of work done before we begin our new norm. Sitting at home constantly looking over at our phones every time an alert goes off when a press conference is being held, how many more have died, how many more are infected. Social Media continued it’s insanity with more political crap, unwanted opinions, crazy conspiracy theories, and people who don’t think this is real or don’t take it seriously enough. I’m sure I’m not the only who said this – Humans are more dangerous than COVID-19. With that thought in mind, despite Code Orange’s theme to their new album being something different than what’s happening now, I can’t help but think how relevant it really was.
That’s what it felt like every time I listened to that album when I went to work those days last week, walking through Philadelphia, a city that was normally busting with life. Less people walked the sidewalks, fewer cars drove the streets, it looked like more a weekend in the city than the madness of rush hour and hustle and bustle of the usual work day. It was haunting. I knew damn well I was putting myself at risk even though I kept my distance from people, even though I washed my hands constantly, and even after I’d wash them I’d used hand sanitizer for extra measures. I scanned papers. Hand sanitizer. Opened mail. Hand sanitizer. Before going to the bathroom I’d wash my hands. Then wash my hands again after going to the bathroom. The cycle was exhausting. Even though after I get the work done and leave the office, I was still on high alert. It wasn’t just making sure I don’t get sick was on my mind, but how this was affecting people who were a ticking time bomb. From the moment I left home to a few hours later when I get back I would be ready to defend myself just in case someone would try to mug me, or attack for some other reason dancing around in that person’s broken mind. I get home feeling exhausted, unable to write, only wanting to hang out with my wife, drink beer and binge watch something until two in the morning.
So why put myself through it even if I was allowed to stay home?Purpose. It may seem crazy but performing my job during these challenging times gave me a sense of purpose. Not that I never had that before, I’m a half glass full type of guy, and very passionate about the people and things in my life. I love my job, I am happy with the people I work for and with. So there’s that part of me, even though I don’t want to die from some stupid novel virus, or by some crazy person’s hand, in my mind I felt I would die doing something with a purpose. We all want to be a hero in our own post apocalyptic story, right?
For some reason, another lyric popped in my head from the Code Orange track, A Sliver- I’m a Sliver growing thinner, feeling smaller every day.
Because of this stress caused by things changing by the day, by the hour – I haven’t written anything since March 11th. I didn’t realize it had been that long until I finally wrote yesterday the 22nd, and input the numbers in my excel sheet. After my Sunday chat with author and mentor Armand Rosamilia and sharing writing sprints with the awesome community I am lucky to be a part of on Twitter, all that determination, fear and exhaustion the past 11 days was finally expelled into my writing. I am rejuvenated again. This has also inspired me to finally get my blog going.
I don’t mean for my first blog to be a little grim, but my reflection of the outside world these past couple of weeks called for it. That need to express my purpose had to come out one way or the other. Despite how long this road is going to be for all of us, I’m always going to continue being the positive, half glass full type of guy. Like many others, I still have hope after this is all over with.
My intent for this blog will be more on my journey as a new author and what everyone can expect from my creative works rather than focus on real world stuff. But the real world will bleed through, just like how the alternate dimension known as the Red Plane bled through Randy’s world in my first novella, Death Highway. It’s just how it is sometimes.
I am a horror author after all. (Insert evil laughing.)
J.C. WALSH 